23 September 2007

Really Dumb Things I Like

(Also known as: guilty pleasures.) I think I have impeccable taste. I'm not sure any of my friends will say that I don't. But every now and then, it doesn't hurt to enjoy something that you know is really stupid, but somehow the elements come together beautifully.

1. America's Next Top Model. This show was actually voted as 2007's most guilty pleasure on the TVphile website Television Without Pity. Sure, the winners' successes are rare, the best models get axed for "not wanting it enough," most of the girls are kind of homely, and the photoshoot concepts are incredibly stupid (pose as a famous celebrity couple! You play both people, wearing the world's cheapest, ugliest wigs!), but every now and then Tyra Banks gives you a gem of a television moment (for absolute craziness) and you may even find a girl who's plain looking but models like a dream. I'm talking about Michelle Babin, one of the twins of Season 7, whose picture is above. I know she's a lesbian (or bisexual?) but I really am obsessed with her.

2. American Idol. Half of the winners have limited success. The runners-up fare worse, but sometimes they give a middle finger to the show and actually do much, much better. In the 12 finalists, you can find people with insipid voices, horrible personalities, and fugly looks, but somehow pulling charm out of their ass and making girls cry. But really, I just want to critique their singing/ phrasing/ bad song choices. And sometimes you may also find incredibly beautiful voices that are really so good you kind of tear up. I saw Elliott Yamin singing during his Ayala Mall tour at Glorietta. His voice is unbefuckinglievable. (Note, in the video above, how he points to his eye on the phrase "do I really see..." Cheesetastic!)

3. Sailor Moon. The bane of every true-blue anime lover. Somehow, she risked transforming into her alter-ego in front of the enemy for what must have been 2 minutes, and still ends up looking like her original self! And the magic is that no one can tell it's still her! Not to mention the constant spinning incorporated into each special attack. Worst of all was her really annoying personality. But I enjoyed following the (mis)adventures of 5 (+5) friends battling youmas (monsters) with inexplicably large breasts. Not for that reason, perv! Most of the time the stories were really awful, but there are a lot of weird (though less funny) episodes that were poignant. Who knew?

4. The two big movies of Stephen Chow- Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle. Oh God. I just bought a video CD of Shaolin Soccer as it's an incredibly hard-to-find movie in home video. Fifteen minutes into the movie, there's a dance sequence. Seventeen minutes into it, there's horrendous karaoke singing with the protagonists dressed as Shaolin monks. But these two movies are both very critically acclaimed, and with good reason. The fighting scenes are much, much better than the slowed-down crap of American martial arts films (er, like The Matrix), and the anime-style comedy translates to live action with hilarious results. Also, on the video above, Donut (Mr. Staff guy) is insanely cool. (He moves like Seung Mina of Soul Calibur, eh?)

5. Spice. Yes, just the first album. Graeme will probably think I'm a huge bed-wetter but there's something very charming about putting 4 horrible singers + 1 so-so singer together with results that shook the core of pop music during its time. Maybe it's how their distinct voices that wouldn't make it solo (erhm, see: the present) blend into something quirky and, honestly, a lot of fun. The Spice Girls' first album had one hit after another, and in fact a really good song in my opinion, 2 Become 1. Of course, by the second album, they took themselves far too seriously (yes, even at that rate), the songs were quite meh, and Victoria was looking more retarded than ever, pointing all the time at nothing.

6. McDonald's. Their burgers are flat and have nothing more than a pickle and minced onion to accompany their sad patty. But I love them. I can't go for maybe a month without having one. Their spaghetti doesn't sell as well as Jollibee's but I prefer it. And the french fries.... OH, THE FRENCH FRIES. Guilty guilty guilty. Top it off with a strawberry shake and I'm your slave for a few minutes.

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